man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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