i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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