I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
