he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
