Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
