I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
