My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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