Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
