I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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