the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
