Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
God, I missed his penis.
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