i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
