So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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