Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
