She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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