dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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