he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
