my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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