okay pat passed out under dana's car
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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