im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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