Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
