He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
