He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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