I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
