Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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