playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
