you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i need some magic done to my vagina
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
