Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
