You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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