I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
