he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
