i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
