Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
