We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
