I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
