Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
