Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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