She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have demons in me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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