problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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