Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
