Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
