Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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