half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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