look no pants
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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