So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
