So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
