I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
