Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm jealous of your bromance
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
