i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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