the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize