My hand turned me down
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
