White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize