he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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