If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.