i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home