I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?