so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
