Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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