Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
