omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We're too hungover to prance.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
