wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
