This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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