you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm at about main and main street
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
