Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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