Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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